The By “thirty you should know” Series: How to fall in love without losing yourself.


I thought this would be a fun series of posts.

There’s a list of things we want to have in life. That list is different for everyone. Some want to get married at 25, start a family at 28 and be done by 31. Some want to travel as many countries as possible on a 4 month hiatus. But we all have a list of to-do’s.

Well, this little series of posts will cover topics of things that by the age of 30 – you should know why something didn’t happen or why it did. The understanding of a reason behind something.

I am not saying you have to have every answer to every question you have in life or the list of things for you and why it wont happen because let’s all be real, even the best plans don’t always work out the way we want. But more about life things like ‘how to fall in love without losing yourself’ or ‘your first heartbreak’ and what you learned from it.

Cheers to the first one, How to fall in love without losing yourself.

So how do you?

How do you fall completely head over heels for someone and want to spend every second with them and be the BEST version of yourself without losing all your friends and keeping some sort of independence.

Well, in my personal opinion by 30 you should know how to fall in love and still have girls nights. You should know better than putting all your eggs in one basket with a guy you just met because “he’s perfect”. Chances are, there are a lot of “perfect” guys out there who end up being assholes 3 months deep. Trust me because by 30 I figured that out like 5 times or whatever.

But falling in love should be a fun thing – it should be exciting and good! Meeting a new guy who could be ‘the one’ because ladies, there’s always a chance he could be the one. But not losing sight of what’s important to you is critical. Just because he doesn’t like working out doesn’t mean you can’t do that. It just mean’s you have to peel yourself away from him to do it. Which is hard in the beginning of falling for someone new because you want to spend every second together.

Obviously there are things he might not like or things he thinks he doesn’t like until meeting you. And vice versa. Maybe you didn’t know you liked tandem bike riding but he introduced you to it. Yall call figure things out together and share similar interests – that’s always a huge plus. But make sure you keep some ‘me time’ even when you want it to be ‘we time’.

We have ALL been guilty to some extent of losing friends for a guy. Or shutting out our friends for a new love. How did it work out? I bet the guy is gone and your girls aren’t.

I did this once over a guy in high school. God he was gross. I lost a few friends for the entire 7 or 8 months (felt like years) while dating him. Luckily, my friends were there when we broke up because I was a jerk by picking him over them in a sense. I remember breaking up with him and hitting ‘end’ on the phone call of my little pink nokia phone feeling like I just hung up a diamond encrusted iPhone 7 plus in a mink jacket. Relieved.

I have been so careful as an adult not to let that happen again. Plus, a little time apart is a good thing. You give time to miss the other person and for them to miss you. I feel like if you stop doing the things you enjoy, big or small things, you end up feeling lost at some point in your relationship. You’ll end up with a little resentment. You’ll end up missing something when you’re 3 years into a relationship and looking back realize you stopped doing what made you happy. You got time fo dat.

Always take time to do what makes you happy. Don’t lose what makes you happy. Don’t ditch your friends. Don’t give up pizza because he hates carbs and peperoni’s (and certainly don’t trust him!), get his ass a salad and eat your pizza girl. You deserve. And don’t get too attached to someone that you lose who you were – just in case something happens. Don’t live thinking you aren’t going to work in the relationship but if you stay true to you.. you will be true to them. You will be a happier person because you will know yourself so well and be confident so much because you’ve maintained some independence that you will have a better relationship. You wont wake up in a couple of years thinking who am I? How did I let this happen? How did I lose my friends? How did I gain 17lbs? How did I forget about painting? How did I miss this or that.

When you know who you are, inside and out, you can give the best to others.

So by thirty you should know how to fall in love without losing yourself. And you should do it.